There is something profoundly sexual in the Maundy Thursday story. I don't mean sexy sexual, but masculine sexual. Christ is a man. I'll get back to this in a minute as there are multiple elements that need to come together.
Sometimes it is fascinating to watch these blog posts run in and out of life. In this case, yesterday I kind of rambled about friendship. Little did I know that today would bring about a defferent ascpect of friendness.
This morning Jen and I read much of Matthew 26 and I was reminded of the word choice (and ironically reminded given yesterday's post) when Jesus says to Judas, "Friend, do that for which you came." I especially like it that Jesus used excellent grammar.
Then I logged onto my emails and found another from the attorney I mentioned yesterday. Without apologizing, he did back off and provide a direct answer to what was a question that he must have thought was cornering. I found this interesting as my last email to him was along the colloquialism of, "Dude, knock it off", or maybe more formally, "Listen, my friend ..."
But, of course, I did not mean friend at all in the way we usually use it. So I went to the lexicon.
There are three Greek words for friend. One is really a Greek word for man and is almost always used as such. The second is akin to our word friend wherein it suggests an intimacy, knowledge, and mutual care. The third is only used three times and only by Matthew.
The first time it is used is in the story of the workers who fussed after those who worked all day were paid the same as those who only worked one hour. The second is when the king invites people to his wedding but no one comes. So instead the servants gather anyone who wants to come. After they are gathered the king notices one improperly dressed. And the third is when Judas betrays Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.
In the first the landowner says, "Friend, we made a bargain. Why are you now unhappy?" In the second the king says, "Friend, how did you get in here without proper clothes?" Jesus' comment has already been noted.
In the first two instances it doesn't appear that either man knew each other. And while Jesus knew Judas, it wasn't an interaction that should occur between "friends". So Matthew's use of the word can't be that of a collegial acquaintance. Instead, it is in the vein of my challenge to the attorney.
The commonality in each of the examples is that of being called out. Within the relationships men have with each other there is the right to call someone to accountability when one of the rules of relationship are about to be or have been broken. It is simply a last resort warning and, among men, it is understood as right advice. It makes clear that the person about to act has to own his decision. In essence, it is a call to man up.
So, in this context, the word "friend" is code for equal or peer, but also a reminder that this is about relationship and the conduct set which defines acting like a man. And to this extent, Christ's comment is totally male. There are some similar, but ultimately different, cautions used in other human dynamics, but the authority and right and depth of this specific caution is exclusive to the world of man-to-man relationship.
And notice that it is not a threat. This caution is not about consequence but about self determination. It ultimately communicates "Do what you are going to do, but know that you have violated an unspoken rule of how a man should act; whatever decision you make is yours alone."
I fear I am not making my point well, so accept my apologies if I am not being clear. Let me instead give you two references if you want to think more about the idea of a code of conduct that boys learn as they become men and by which men are supposed to act.
First, here is a link to a video of a professional golfer. He had a record setting bad hole, scoring a 16 on a par 4. As it relates here, the point is that he didn't throw a hissy fit, he played by the rules, and he counted all his penalty shots. He sucked, but he was a man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWTXoNzuk8c
Second, there is a powerful book which I hesitate to recommend. It is written by Norah Vincent and is entitled Self-Made Man. It is not for the faint of heart. In it, Vincent, a very butch lesbian, disguises herself as a man and spends time experiencing life as a man would be treated. She goes through a wide range of emotions, but ultimately comes down to the opinion that there are huge differences between men and women and that the brotherhood of maleness includes a set of behaviors which probably save the world on a regular basis. She also paints a very clear picture of how part of the process of growing up into a man is learning that there are codes of conduct like fair play, winning, strength, and, when necessary, being called out.
She writes in a very direct fashion, is detailed, frequently crude, and, given her sexuality and that of the book, may well be uncomfortable for some. As a sociological study it is fascinating and certainly changed the way I look at human sexuality. And so tonight I celebrate Christ as a man. I love it that he had strength as well as compassion. And I love it that he called out Judas. Dude!
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