Girls Are Relatively Beautiful

I must admit, as I write this I am more than a little frustrated. Again, some background is appropriate. I have two daughters. Most people seem to agree that they are vibrant, engaging and real. They are also beautiful. I mean empirically and physically, not in some nebulous, vague, feel-good way. I also am not saying they are the most physically beautifully  women in the world anymore than I would say I am as good looking as Pierce Brosnin. But they know their physical beauty and, for the most part, are comfortable with themselves.

The reason I state the above is that I know of what I speak having raised girls to a good place. The reason I am angry is that we as a larger society, especially those of faith, continue to preach a lie regarding the value of physical beauty. It is wrong and it is harmful. More importantly, it is a lie. And if there is one thing kids specialize in, it's smelling double speak bull shit. Physical beauty matters. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

First of all the true Christian perspective. God created each of us. To some he gave many gifts, to some few. To some he gave the gift of music, to others intellect, to others artistic expression, to others mechanical aptitude, to others the ability to nurture ... For most of us, we have been given a variety of gifts in various degrees. Included in this list of gifts is the gift of beauty. Some people are better looking than others. That's a fact and that's a gift of equal value to any other physical gift. The day we stop pretending otherwise, we will both stop being hypocrites and we will stop losing to the daily pressure of beauty presented in almost every marketing campaign of any type. We will also raise healthier children.

We don't pretend that a child with limited athletic skills should dedicate her life to making athletics her life's goal. We don't encourage tone deaf children to pursue music into their college years. We do an excellent job, for the most part, of identifying our children's strengths and cultivating them. Why do we consistently deny the reality of physical beauty?

The irony is that they know. So all we are doing, when we don't deal with the relative beauty of our children (just as we would do with the relative giftedness of mathematical aptitude), is undercutting our own legitimacy as believable authority and, worse, provide a totally conflicting message to the reality of the variety of human beauty that they see every day.

The actual thing that set me off on this issue was reading an article regarding a study in which they concluded that young women (average age 23) who posted a lot of photos on Facebook were more occupied with the idea and social value of physical attractiveness than young men who posted a lot of photos. The actual quote that totally frustrated me was, "The results suggest persistent differences in the behavior of men and women that result from a cultural focus on female image and appearance", with the implication that we are making no progress on some sort of artificial, PC driven idea that there could be equality in this area (and the unchallenged assumption that this would be good even if it could happen). What a load of crap.

There is a reason there are these "persistent differences". We ARE different. Like it or not, one of the biological differences between male and female is that males tend to be visual receivers and females tend to be physical projectors. Look at just about any human culture, regardless of time and location, and the power and importance of female physical beauty is always present. Sometimes it is expressed very different ways (including being in fear of female beauty and covering it up), but it is a universal truth ranging from Esther and Deborah and Zipporah to Elle McPherson and the latest cosmetic ad. Usually, if you want truth about humanity, look at the philosophy underlying marketing.

What is important is not that every girl be taught that she is as beautiful as anyone else (that's simply not true) or that beauty is not important (unless you are going to teach her that no gift is important). What is important is to be truthful, to celebrate the beauty of the entire person, and to encourage the gifts God-given to that child (and this includes encouraging the gift of beauty if that is one given to your daughter). Let them live in truth instead of the lie and confusion that physical beauty is either all equal or not important.In addition, dealing with this truthfully will allow your boys to celebrate their innate desire to look and find beauty in a manner which recognizes that it is one of many gifts rather than forcing them to struggle with the hormonal falseness that beauty is irrelevant.

Beauty matters, and for this I am grateful. Trust me, I am very thankful that my Dad thought my Mom was smoking hot. Especially sometime in '65. And I know each of you share this gratitude in your own life.