Brave New Cyber World

I come from a large family. 8 kids, spouses, grandkids, ... I think at my folks wedding anniversary recently we had 30 some odd people there. Ages range from 75 to a few months. A subject that has come up on a number of occasions is this issue of online information.

This has come up in a number of specific cautions and includes choosing email names which won't cost you a job or college interview, saying things you might later regret, and sharing information which is too personal. Also, there is clearly a generational component as these cautions tend to be given by an older generation to a younger.

I have previously argued that all things ultimately revolve around relationship. First is our relationship with God and then is our relationship with each other. If I am correct, then this issue too must be looked at in these relationship terms. While I am not going to suggest that all online comments and activities are appropriate, I also think that there is a blessing in this new paradigm that is frequently overlooked.

One of the reasons I value living in a small community is that I know everyone is likely to know whatever I do. I also know that relatively few will actually care, but that is largely beside the point. For me, this awareness is freeing, not claustrophobic. That everyone will likely know is healthy. Every time I am faced with a decision which walks the line of socially acceptable or potentially embarrassing, I ask myself whether it is worth the fact that all may know. If it isn't, I don't. If I am willing to live with those consequences, I do. In other environments (and certainly in my past) there are real possibilities that you might get away with hiding behaviors. Here, for me, that is not an option.

By extension, I live more real than I ever have before. I do what I think is right and live with the consequences. Some like it, some don't, sometimes I am right, and sometimes I am wrong, but, in any case, it is very visible. There is no hiding. If I screw up I try to fix it. If I get it right, that's great.

Instead of trying to set some standards for online behavior, I instead posit these questions; isn't it possible that this new world of openness allows for more publicity of our mistakes, more potential consequences, and more room for realism and truth? Why shouldn't we acknowledge that we will make mistakes in our relationships? Isn't that also a chance for us to share accountability, to own up to our errors, to make them right in a public way, to express compassion and forgiveness, and, ultimately, to live life in a more real way?

I know for my earlier history and for that of some of my relatives, the mistakes we made were either hidden and suppressed, or were brought into public awareness in a manner completely devoid of understanding or non-judgementalism. We all make mistakes and will make more. The best lesson to teach our children is not how to avoid mistakes but how to own them once they (inevitably) happen. Our character is defined by our willingness to try to fix what we break and by our willingness to accept the attempts of others to fix what they broke. To this end, reality, including that found in this new world of intense communication, can really bless our character growth.

I'd like to hear what others think; what do you do to try to define a line of acceptable online behavior for you? For your kids? Have you ever been affected by someone's cyber behavior? How did you respond? Lux et veritas.